Three Little Words to Diffuse Your Next Power Struggle

In fact, “I hear ya” is a phrase I encourage you to try the next time your child complains about doing homework, washing the dishes, taking a bath, or – whatever the complaint department problem is at the moment. “I hear ya” is a great way to respond when your child is itching for an argument.

Instead of launching into a traditional parenting lecture like, “it’s part of being a family”, or “your job is to go to school and get good grades”, or “you’ll thank me when you’re older” – just say, “I hear ya. I didn’t like doing spelling homework either” or “I hear ya, emptying the dishwasher isn’t my favorite thing to do either.”

Sometimes kids just need to know they are being heard. That you get them. That there is an empathetic ear. Does it make the undesirable task any more desirable? No, but it gives you a moment of emotional connection and usually diffuses the power struggle more quickly. At the same time, it reinforces that you are on their team.

Getting your kids on board without the fuss and grumpiness, now that’s a win-win most parents love to score.

Next time you’re faced with a complaining kid, look them right in the eye with a sincere and knowing sigh and say, “I hear ya.” It works!

Amy Mccready

www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/

How Would You Parent Your Friend’s Child?

Would you like a break from the emotions of parenting? Here’s a little trick: Parent your friend’s child instead.

Parenting is emotional. Our strong emotional connection to our children is a powerful and challenging part of parenting. Sometimes these emotions can blur our vision. Or just wear us down. When you need some perspective about your child’s behavior, try asking yourself a simple question:

How would I parent my friend’s child in this situation?

When it’s our own child acting out, we often feel worse about bad behavior. A good way to lessen emotional intensity is to imagine that you are managing a friend or neighbor’s child. Does it seem less stressful? We think sometimes it might.

Think about listening to your infant cry. The sound of that cry affects you more than the sound of another baby crying. Our own children tap deeply into our emotions, and rightfully so.

That’s why this question can be a quick way to switch from your emotional to logical brain. We don’t have strong emotions attached to our friends’ children the way we do with our own. If they misbehave, it’s much easier to see the whole view and make a decision based on logic, not emotion.

If you would like more advice around emotional parenting, this article is very helpful: 4 Tools To Help You Stay Calm With Your Difficult Child.

By Rebecca Staples