Answering The Difficult Questions

While these questions can take parents by surprise planning in advance how and what to talk to your children about when they ask about death can help you. It is critical not to avoid or try to brush off the questions as that will only cause more confusion and perhaps even fear if children pick up your discomfort on the subject.

Stay Child Centered

It is very important to discuss death and dying at the child’s level of understanding. Taking in abstract terms or using common phrases about death to kids will only cause confusion. You certainly can talk about spiritual or religious beliefs about the death and dying with your children but keep them at an age appropriate level.

Be careful not to use terms like “sleeping” or “passed on” or “lost” but rather be compassionate and honest. Children need a clear description that makes sense to them. Even younger children can understand that a body can stop working when a person is in an accident or is elderly. Often this type of honest, clear and simple explanation is enough for a youngster.

Talk About Real World Examples

It is important, especially with younger children, to stay to simple examples and not to try to include too many concepts at one time. It is important for children to understand that death is a normal part of life without stressing the mortality of the child or of you as the parent. It is also important to remember that younger children, especially those under the age of 10, may see death as reversible.

Kids may ask about a pet, family member or loved one’s death repeatedly. Be patient and provide a consistent answer that provides the information the child is seeking. Talking to a counselor or reading a book about death that is at an age appropriate level can help a parent start the conversation and allow children to ask the questions they may be worrying about. 

Helping Children Deal with Stress

It’s no doubt that children are one of life’s miracles but as our offspring we sometimes tend to forget that while they may be all that is good in us, they are not our clones and are certainly not little adults. They are incapable of handling things in the same way that we are – which means they are unable to manage stress like we can. Not to mention, something that we would easily overlook would be a severe stressor to our kids – for example, showing up at school and finding desks rearranged differently than they have been all year or a substitute teacher instead of their regular teacher.

                                                                                                                                              

If your child is having breakdowns frequently, having trouble sleeping or nightmares or being clingy when they weren’t before, are all signs that your child could be experiencing more stress in their lives than they were before.  Trust your instincts if you notice a change in your child’s behavior and try these tips to help them cope with stress more easily:

1. Let them know it’s ok to talk about it – some children have a difficult time expressing themselves or they may be afraid to say what they are feeling. Make it very clear to your child that if they are feeling out of sorts that it’s ok to talk about it. Help them share with you if they are feeling scared or nervous or worried about something.
2. Encourage your children to find positive in what is a stressful situation in their lives – for example, instead of being worried over having a substitute teacher, remind them that they are safe even with the substitute and their regular teacher will be back soon.
3. Teach your children simple stress-relieving techniques like breaking and finding positive even in stressful situations.
4. Establish routines for your children, especially at bedtime. These routines, when coupled with relaxing music will help your child relax after a rough day.
5. Be sure to spend enough quality time with your children each day. This will help them to become more self-confident and assured and if something upsets their normal routine, they are less likely to act out.

Working with your children now to handle stress will help them be better at coping as they grow into adults.

Maintaining a Healthy Diet and Still Allowing the Foods They Love

Every parent has the same battle at some point in their lives – getting your kids to eat healthy but not completely depriving them of the foods they love. It can be a challenge, yes, but it doesn’t mean you need a degree in diet and nutrition to make sure your kids are eating healthy. Here are some “Rules to live by” when it comes to making sure your kids are maintaining a healthy diet:

1. Remember you are the supply line – you control the apron strings so to speak. This simply means that you are the one in charge of buying the food as well as when to serve it. Your kids will no doubt pester you for less healthy options but you will need to stand your ground on how much of those less healthy options are kept on hand at any given time. They will eat what’s in the cupboard or fridge.
2. The clean plate club is over-rated. Let your children stop eating when they feel they’ve had enough. Most of us have grown up as card-carrying members of the clean plate club and as such may be battling with nutrition and healthy eating habits. Let your child have some say about their bodies – if they feel full let them be finished.
3. Start your kids young. Their food preferences tend to develop early so make sure you are providing lots of choices for them. Even as babies they know what they like or don’t like. When offering new foods, offer a few bites if they truly don’t like it, don’t push.
4. Don’t bribe with sweets. Goodies and desserts are fine on occasion but don’t use sweets or dessert as the main reason for eating a meal.
5. Finally – be a role model. If your kids see you eating unhealthy foods on a regular basis they’re going to think its ok for them to do it as well. Choose healthy foods, have at least one meal all together at the table and do your best not to skip meals during the day. 

How to Organize Your Children’s Important Documents

We do everything we can to keep our family safe and well taken care of – from locking the doors at night to making sure our children are kept out of harm’s way. For parents – keeping our family safe is our first priority.

But with all of the things that we have to do on a daily basis – urgent things that keep our families protected, it’s no big surprise when other, less urgent things get pushed to the back burner and saved for a rainy day. One of the tasks we typically put off until the last minute is organizing our family’s important documents. We’re all guilty of it at one time or other but the good news is, even if you’ve neglected this for a long period of time, it doesn’t have to be quite as time-consuming as you think. Here are a few tips to get you on your way:

• Collection: Go through your entire house (don’t forget the “junk” drawers!) and collect all of the papers that need to be kept in one central location: birth certificates, baptism records, social security cards, medical records, vaccination records, passports and insurance information. If you’re unsure about the importance of a document, simply ask yourself what the consequences would be if that paper was lost forever.
• Copycat: Original documents are necessary for things like passports and registering for school, but it’s never a bad idea to make copies of everything. Copies of immunization records can be given directly to the school or to a new pediatrician. Keep your originals tucked in a safe place.
• Store the rest: It’s unlikely you’re going to need baptism records on a regular basis or even passports or birth certificates. Lock these important papers in a safe deposit box. Keep in mind, however, that you’ll be at the mercy of “banker’s hours” when you need the documents so plan accordingly.
• Use technology to your advantage: Scan and back up documents to be easily recovered later on. This can work for important papers and photos alike.
• Share the secret: Be sure to let at least one other person in your family know where you keep all of these important documents should you not be available to access them.

So there you have it – it’s not really that difficult to put your documents in one place and have them easily accessible – you just have to get started!